Date Rape: The Warning Signs

Although there is no completely accurate description of a typical date/acquaintance rapist, experts have identified several warning signs to help you recognize potential danger before it happens. Girls should beware of a guy who:

• Acts immaturely; shows little empathy or feeling for others.

• Displays anger or aggression, either physically or verbally. The anger may not be directed at you but may come out during conversations. He may make negative comments about women. He might use vulgarity, show rudeness toward others,and the like. He might also think of women as adversaries.

• Behaves in a macho manner and brags about his strength.

• Has a short temper.

• Shows physical aggression, through slapping, grabbing, twisting arms, and so on.

• Acts excessively jealous and/or possessive. Be especially suspicious of this behavior if you’ve only recently met him or are on a first or second date.

• Ignores your wishes. Attempts to make you feel guilty or accuses you of being uptight.

• Becomes hostile and/or increasingly more aggressive when you say no.

• Tries to separate you from your friends and family by convincing you to spend more time with him and less with them.

• Insists on being alone with you on a first date.

• Demands your attention or compliance at inappropriate times, such as during class, or interrupting one of your conversations with someone else.

• Asks personal questions and wants to know more about you than you want to tell him.

• Believes that all males and females fit traditional stereotypes.

If you are with a person who exhibits any of the above behaviors, be very cautious and take your time getting to know him. Be a good listener, paying careful attention to remarks that may be warning signals.

Many acquaintance and date rapists plan to rape and then set out to find the victim. They often test a potential victim. For example, a rapist may try placing a hand on a potential victim’s thigh. If she does not react, even if she obviously feels uncomfortable, the rapist may identify her as easy prey.

A date rapist may also try to get a potential victim to trust him and then invent some reason for her to come to his house or apartment. The date rapist is usually very manipulative and tries to con an unsuspecting victim.

Many date rapists are repeat offenders and are skilled at identifying weaknesses in potential victims. The rapist is looking for a woman he can control, because his primary motivation is power rather than sex.

Some date rapists exhibit a Jekyll-and-Hyde personality. They may appear to be great guys. But when under stress or when they find a vulnerable victim, their personalities change.

What to Do If You Are Raped

• Tell someone—a parent, a friend. You need support, and you don’t need to be alone.

• Do not shower or clean yourself. As soon as possible, go to a hospital or clinic. They’ll be able to treat you if you have injuries. They’ll also help you preserve evidence in case you press charges.

• Call the police or a rape crisis center. One of the following organizations may also be able to help you:

Minirth Meier/New Life Clinics: 1-800-637-7974

Rapha Treatment Centers: 1-800-383-4673

The Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence: (206) 634-1903

Adapted from Beauty Restored by Me Ra Koh, Appendix II, page 5 (Regal Books, 2001).

Source:www.christianitytoday.com